Tuesday, May 15, 2007

You Lying Sack of Boney Shit

...and other assorted put-downs.
Once upon a time, earlier today, there was a "lady" in my store picking out some draperies and whatnot. She'd been in the store for almost 2 hours when she finally came up to the check-out to pay for her selections. The cashier rang her up and the total came to 839 dollars...yes...a fine addition to our painfully slow day but alas, a problem: she pulled out a business check that had been pre-signed by (according to skinny pregnant b) her husband's business. The check had only the name of the business printed on it so the cashier asked her for I.D. "I don't have I.D., it's a BUSINESS check." she said, as if that was proper and legal. This is where I was summoned to the front for "assistance". I quickly evaluated the situation and again asked for some form of identification. She was on her cell phone talking to the ghost husband and upon seeing the look of disapproval on my face, handed me the cell phone. The male voice on the other end asked if he could just "fax over a copy of his I.D."
and awayyyyyy I went. "FIRST OF ALL, that would be a COPY of an I.D. #2 Why is your 'wife' driving around town without a driver's license? #3 Do you expect me to take what amounts to a mere piece of paper with an illegible MichaelJFox spasm scratch you call a signature in exchange for almost a thousand dollars worth of MY merchandise?!! What am I, covered in after birth?! Thanks but NO." Jesus-WRITHING-on-the-cross
Did Wal-mart say this was OK? Is this some sort of Homeland Security Candid Camera show? Am I being punished for something I've said?

I have begun drawing plans for my underground dwelling on which I will begin construction soon.


Blogger Blancodeviosa said...

you would be surprised who would cash them. last week we had 25 checks stolen out of the shop and 6 were actually cashed that i know of so far. only one asked for identification. when the stores called raising hell about us stopping the forged checks, i told them, your the dumbass that asked for (1)no id (2) no thumbprint and (3) didn't call to verify check

sorry you lose sucker!

6:15 AM  
Blogger MacGuffin said...

"covered in afterbirth".. ha, that's brilliant, and of course, disgusting.

9:57 PM  
Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

People are stupid; sometimes, you just have to wack people with the "don't be stupid" stick.

7:09 PM  
Blogger MacGuffin said...

Are you still alive? Hopefully you're too busy with your art and not work.

1:04 PM  

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