Tuesday, October 21, 2008

misery hates company

my employment is ending finally and i would like to say, i am relieved...i would like to say that but i can't. i am happy that the company I've worked for 9 years now is going under because i always thought it was a bit shady. retail as you know, causes much pain in my soul...more than it should (according to my therapist). but in this process i am finding much more to be (happy) about because i get to say things to people i never thought I'd get the chance to say.
during the liquidation process which began in earnest this past weekend, we no longer accept coupons, personal or business checks nor do we take credit card reward certificates. we no longer honor competitor prices and best of all, no longer accept returns!!! o joy and rapture
the money bitches that continue to come in day after day with bags full of returns, sweating in their velux jumpsuits clutching Gucci bags are amazed to find that we can say NO to their pitiful requests. "what am i supposed to do with this king sized bed ensemble (with all the trimmings) it just doesn't fit."
"give it to the maid?" i offered.
"sell it on ebay?" was another answer i gave today.

"why won't you take my check?" another biddy exclaimed.
"because NO ma'am" as i gathered all her selections and placed them in the returns to sales floor pile slowly accumulating in the corner of the checkout counter.

i am taking too much joy in turning people down when they ask for extra discounts. i am taking too much joy in rushing people to make a choice when they obviously are incapable of doing so..."do you want the dishes or not?!!! i have allot to do right now ma'am."
i am taking too much joy in cutting phone conversations abruptly off saying something like, "I'm sure we have a table cloth that might fit your 60 inch round mahogany dining room table that you inherited from your aunt in 1975 but you'll have to actually get in your car and drive here to look for it, i have no time. thank you for calling!"
yesterday we had a "guest" ask if we could call her when the discounts went to 50% or more because the prices are still too high.
"sure" i said in my driest unveiled tones, "write your name and phone number here...on my hand so i won't forget" she thought i was serious and actually reached for the pen. stupid tuna fish.

therapeutic revenge


Blogger MacGuffin said...

Ah... sweet cathartic revenge, even if petty, is there anything sweeter? I think not.

It's good for rich folk too, to be told NO every now and then.

10:27 AM  

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